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avatar @glitch_
The auto mechanic when he asks what kind of oil I've been putting in it and I say canola

The auto mechanic when he asks what kind of oil I've been putting in it and I say canola

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avatar Dank Wizard
My 4yo just said

My 4yo just said "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media? Isn't it just inherently dishonest & indicative of an inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves?"

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avatar MemeLordX
My dog just unlocked my phone by sitting on it. My phone has Face ID. My phone just mistook a dog's butthole for my face. I don’t think my self-esteem is ever going to recover from this.

My dog just unlocked my phone by sitting on it. My phone has Face ID. My phone just mistook a dog's butthole for my face. I don’t think my self-esteem is ever going to recover from this.

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avatar toastOfchaos
Left: 19 month sentence - Kicked a six-year-old girl in the head; Punched a woman in the face; Punched a police officer in the abdomen. Right: 30 month sentence - Chanted 'who the fuck is Allah'

Left: 19 month sentence - Kicked a six-year-old girl in the head; Punched a woman in the face; Punched a police officer in the abdomen. Right: 30 month sentence - Chanted 'who the fuck is Allah'

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avatar vortex728831

"weekends are for having fun"\nme:

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avatar @glitch_
Me: I need to hang out more and meet new people
New people: Hi!
Me:

[image of a chicken running away]

Me: I need to hang out more and meet new people New people: Hi! Me: [image of a chicken running away]

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