My mom recently discovered Facebook Marketplace and today I get this text from my dad. Dad: Your mother has put my life in danger over a toaster she bought on Facebook. I'm meeting a man named "Rick" behind Home Depot. If I go missing, start there.
VIRAL HE KEPT ESCAPING JUST TO CALMLY WALK AROUND THE ZOO. HIS ONLY ACT OF AGGRESSION WAS STOPPING BY OTIS THE ORANGUTAN — AN ORANGUTAN HE CLEARLY HATED — TO THROW ROCKS AT HIM. THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW
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